Great set of Dating Rules and tips to ensure your dating strategy is a success.
Here are some dating pointers to consider if you’re venturing into the notoriously difficult world of dating.
Dating Tips
You don’t need to tell me that online dating is the most complicated they’ve ever been. Everyone who has a smartphone knows that connecting with someone—and seeing them consistently enough to develop an exclusive relationship—is harder than an overcooked piece of meat. But that’s where the “Dating” rule comes into play: When you have guidelines in place to help you remain in your lane and keep you safe from people who aren’t looking for the real thing, the path to finding true love becomes much easier to travel.
Of course, every person should have guidelines about how to date. These can range from things such as “don’t go out with someone who doesn’t respect you” to more complex issues such as “never let anyone control you.” In any case, make sure that your dating guidelines are based on sound principles rather than arbitrary decisions. After all, if they’re arbitrary, then why bother? And if they aren’t based on sound principles, why do you care whether or not they work?
Now, if you struggle to figure out your relationship guidelines, I may be able to assist you. I teach lots of ladies (and guys) how to develop a healthy romantic lifestyle because, sadly, you cannot rely upon Cupid to create all the enchantment (if only it were so easy…). These are my top eleven relationship tips in this crazy world of modern love. Pick the guidelines that function best for you, eliminate the ones that do not, and experiment as desired to discover your own. There is no correct or incorrect here.
1. Date multiple people at once.
You’ve read it before: “The best thing about being single is that you can sleep around.” But I’m here to say that the worst thing about being single has to hear that line every day. No matter how much you try to convince yourself otherwise, you’ll eventually wonder why your friends aren’t dating each other. Don’t of waiting for Mr. Right to come along, do wait and start the process with the one who seems to have the qualities you’re looking for.
2. Keep dates short.
I like to tell clients not to let dates last longer than an hour. Why? That’s plenty of time to get to know someone on a superficial basis and hopefully feel a spark, but too short a duration that your mind doesn’t start thinking about what could happen next. Date nights that end up being five hours of drinking and dancing can be very enjoyable, but they can also lead to feelings of disappointment if nothing comes out of the evening. One-hour date nights should be reserved for people who are already interested in each other and want to spend quality time together.
Agree! Short dates are more sustainable and less likely to lead to burnout. You don’t have to love everyone you go on a date with, so have fun and be confident!
dating
3. Be upfront about wanting a relationship.
If, however, that is indeed what you want. You don’t gain anything by hiding that your ultimate goal is finding your forever person. Still, you could suffer from an emotional breakdown if they keep pushing back against your efforts to get serious. And, sometimes, a whole lotta damn time!
If you’re worried about scaring people away by saying you’d like a relationship, don’t worry about it. People who bail when you tell them you’d like a relationship aren’t worth keeping around, so you’re better off just going for it.
4. Avoid talking about x’s on early dates.
If you talk about past relationship experiences, wait until after the first few date nights. You don’t want to get into any deep conversations about your exes before you know if you two are compatible.
If they bring up an old conversation, redirect them by saying, “I would be happy to talk about that stuff when we become friends, but right now, I am interested in hearing about XYZ.”
5. Follow-through is very important.
It makes sense that some women may not feel comfortable accepting a last-minute date (or having a three-day rule or any such thing). However, I would never write someone off because of how far (or not so far) they initiated a date in advance. Everyone knows how busy their lives can get.
If they say they’re going to plan something but never follow through, I’d be concerned. You want someone mature, willing, and able to take action. And most importantly, they need to be interested in making it happen.
If you think they regularly call you just because they want to talk to someone or don’t even bother calling when they see you online, you should tell them off.
Dating today is confusing. We’ve got answers for you!
6. Don’t feel obligated to send a thank-you text.
Oh man, the “first” text. Is there any more debated and controversial text than the one that immediately follows the first dating app message? I know some people believe women should always send one shortly after the first meeting to let the other party know they’re interested, and then other people believe it should always be sent by men (assuming you’re seeking a male match).
I’m traditional in pursuit, which, historically speaking, tends to be led by the female. As long as you thank your partner warmly and sincerely in person before parting, I believe there’s no need to send follow-ups after that. Doing so can make them feel obligated to reply in a specific way and remove any healthy tension on their side of wondering, Oh, did he say he had a good time? I wonder if she liked me. That’s a great spot to leave them.
You may feel nervous about sending a follow-up message after the initial date, but don’t fret! Remember that you’re doing what you love, so why shouldn’t they? After all, they’ve shown interest in you, so let them show interest back. Send a simple “Hey, I had fun last night” message and see where things go.
7. Give them two weeks to reach out again.
So you had a great date but are you thinking about whether you would get along with this person and make future plans? I suggest you do not take too much notice of how fast they text you—as soon as it is within 2 days, it is enough time for them to have made up their mind about whether or not they want to see you once more. (After that point, it is safe to assume that they are unable or unwilling to prioritize the idea of seeing you.)
Pay close enough (attentively) to notice how they follow up when you do—that’s an essential part of what you’re looking for. Wait a week to send a single-word text (“Heyyyyy”), and wait 10 full business days before sending a longer message, then be sure to ask if they’re available next week.
8. Wait for at least a few dates to have sex.
First dates are fun, but they’re also tricky. It’s important to get to know someone before having sex with them. And that takes time.
I’m not saying that you should wait around forever before getting intimate with someone, but I do think it’s important to take things slow. You don’t want to get into bed with someone who doesn’t share your values, goals, and dreams. And you don’t want to start sleeping together without knowing what kind of commitment you two are willing to make. That could lead to serious problems later on. So, if you’re interested in someone, ask them about their plans for the future. Please don’t assume that they’ll automatically tell you everything right off the bat. They might surprise you.
9. Don’t freak out about who pays.
There’s nothing wrong with asking someone out if they want to go out with you. However, if you’re not interested in going out with them, don’t feel obligated to take them up on their offer. You can ask them without worrying about paying for the date.
If you want to ask them if you can pay for the meal, then don’t be surprised if they say yes. It’s not a sign that you’ve lost their interest; just as much as their refusal to let you pay isn’t a signal that they aren’t interested either. Please don’t read too much into it.
10. Feel free to do some of the planning yourself.
You shouldn’t feel bad about asking others to plan things for you. It may take some pressure off of them and help them relax a little. But if you don’t want to get involved, tell them you’re not interested.
And by the way, if you want to make the initial move and approach someone, go ahead and do it! You might get turned down, but their loss!
11. Eat whatever the heck you want.
It’s not just a topic of conversation when it comes to dates; it’s something you need to consider before going out for dinner. You might hear these things from people who think they’re cool but aren’t. They’re just trying to be different.
How silly it is to think that these dating rules exist. Eat what you want, for the love of food! If you’re hungry – by all means, eat as much as you need. And if you’re an “I’m full” type of person, then you want a mate who appreciates your eating habits. And if you’re into leftovers, you want someone who loves them too.
You shouldn’t spend time with people who don’t appreciate your appetite, even if it’s for a not-tough steak or a boring salad.
